After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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