Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
