Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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