I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
