i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
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It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
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Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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