And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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