That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
