just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
