i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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