I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
