Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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