I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
