My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
