I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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