You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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