bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
my nose is crying tears of wow.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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