I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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