i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
