I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
