Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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