Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
