that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
