They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
