I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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