Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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