YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
