Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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