Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
