did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
