I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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