I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
