he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
this is an emotional support booty call
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
