The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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