I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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