genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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