screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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