So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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