Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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