Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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