after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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