shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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