he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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