My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
