Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My Higher Power is John Stamos
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
