dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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