i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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