So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
