as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
