we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
