yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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