physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
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my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
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She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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