There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
