isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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