Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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