Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
