the condom got lost in my hair
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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