I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
