We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
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You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
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Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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