Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
