i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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