I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
