I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MIDGETS
????
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize