go do what you do best...puke behind churches
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
