Ambien. No doubt about it.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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