North Korea, Best Korea!
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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