just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
whose parrot is this?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
