I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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