i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
