I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
