you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
