Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
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Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
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I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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