last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
