Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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